Throw a Fucking Birthday Party

It’s my birthday tomorrow! This one feels extra special because this year, the day falls on the same day of the week I was born; Monday! That feels very fitting for me and my personality. I actually really like Mondays because being productive is something that feels easy to me. It’s how I avoided my anxiety and feelings for a long time and still catch myself doing from time to time now.

I felt pretty numb for a few years. Lockdowns forced me to do a lot of processing and for that I’m so grateful. At first, I became more in touch with feelings like fear, anger, sadness and loss. But this isn’t an article about those feelings - (I’ll save that for another time). This is an article about the feelings that were actually harder to connect to and came after processing the bad ones; love, joy, happiness and excitement. 

Most years I wouldn’t bother doing much for my birthday. In between everybody being knackered and skint after Christmas (myself included) and many doing "Dry Jan" (myself firmly excluded) I felt like it wasn’t a priority. Well, those are the reasons I told myself. But actually, that wasn’t the whole truth. I didn’t throw myself a party because well, I didn’t believe that I deserved one, I envisioned people begrudgingly accepting the invite and perhaps, I was maybe a bit scared that it was self-indulgent or that not many people would come. 

So last year, after being locked in with my feelings for a year I plucked up the courage to throw myself a fucking birthday party. I only invited people I actually like, we went to a venue that I liked with DJ’s playing my sort of music and I dressed up in a short dress, dark lippy and some outrageous green boots. It was really fun. 

This year, not only am I throwing myself a fucking birthday party - I’m organising a whole week of fucking birthday 'parties’. Ranging from dinners, lunches, dances or even just a nice birthday bath. Life is short and we only get one (that we’re conscious of at a time) so if like me you’re worried about opening yourself up to be loved and celebrated then I dare you to throw yourself a fucking birthday party. It doesn’t have to be big, you don’t have to do anything - but I encourage you to do something small at least. Because if you can’t indulge and celebrate yourself on your birthday - then when can you? Even if you don’t think you deserve that… your soul does!